China's economy has surpassed Japan and many expect that the United States will be next. What does the future hold to have their growing economic influence on the world stage?
It sounds like an oxymoron to suggest that China could be a leader in developing feminine energy on the planet but that could be the case if the country's youth have their way.
China has long been a bastion of masculine energy. A nation where people "live to work." Their culture is predicated on individuals making as much money as they can, regardless of the sacrifice it takes to get ahead. It is a hub of external "doing" activity.
That's why I was intrigued by an article in the International Herald Tribune which suggests that the Chinese youth are shifting away from these traditions. They are interested in developing their "soft power" (which is synonymous with feminine energy).
The author of the article, Didi Kristen Tatlow, interviewed students from the post 80's generation in China to discuss their aspirations and what drives this new group of leaders.
She discovered the majority don't envy the wealth of individual American citizens. They say they can easily get "iPhones" and other gadgets, so accumulating material things is not a motivating factor.
What they are looking for is a better value system. They want a life with quality and meaning - a life which maintains the importance of home, family and cultural roots. They want something more than the single - focus on work that drove their parents.
This search for "moral meaning" is at the heart of feminine energy. It "works to live" and is all about being, rather than doing.
The Chinese youth are unexpected leaders in this quest. But when the offspring of those who lived through three decades of communism followed by three decades of an aggressive economic growth curve seek to balance their value-system, we should take inspiration from their leadership. Do you think that we will?
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Step 5: Self-Reliance
February 03, 2011
January 18, 2011
Lessons Learned Crossing the Street
There are many lessons to be learned from crossing the street - especially in Viet Nam, which is home to 20 million motorbikes. I swear, at any point in time, the majority of them are roaring about!
We experienced it first in the city of Saigon where there are eight million people and five and one half million motorbikes. Every street is teeming with them - some transporting entire families, others loaded with agricultural or building supplies. One poor driver even struggled to balance a huge water tank on the back of his seat.
Most of the drivers are wearing masks as a defense against the fumes. It makes them look like a stampede of some strange and unpredictable animal as you stand assessing your options on the corner.
Prior to my trip, many people warned me about the frenetic activity and craziness of the traffic. One friend even likened crossing the street to assisted suicide. It's not unheard of for an inexperienced tourist to spend 15 stressful minutes to get to the opposite curb.
But I learned that crossing the street in Viet Nam is a reflection of life. It's best to start by finding a calm place inside, regardless of the commotion around you. Then, just like life, you have to let go of fear, take a risk and step off the curb. If you are going to progress, you won't get there by standing still. New sights beckon, a few meters away, and getting there is part of the adventure!
Once you are in the midst of the motorized jungle, you have to focus on your goal. Now is not the time to hesitate or question your decision. You have to walk with confidence, with your eye on your destination, as you proceed forward. (Remember that this applies to life as well.)
The last thing that you learn is to trust. There is an ebb and flow to the city and this rhythm is part of the dance. If you take the lead, the drivers will follow. We each have a goal and, if we accommodate one another, we'll both get there. Once again, these lessons in crossing the street are important in life. Are you ready to start walking?
December 30, 2010
New Year's Resolution Motivators and Demotivators
If you are one of the more than 120 million people making a New Year's resolution, you'd be wise to take a moment and consider your personal motivators and demotivators.
I thought about this on a recent trip to Mexico when I found myself on a sailboat with two couples who were clearly motivated by competition. As they "one-upped" each other, I sat by like a fifth-wheel, completely demotivated to enter the conversation and get to know them better, but they were clearly having a wonderful time. It was a case of "to each his own!"
It's the same with exercise. Some like having an exercise partner so they can compete. They find it a motivator to see who can run longer, faster, or lift more weight. If you recognize yourself in this and your New Year's resolution relates to fitness, you would be wise to get someone to compete with at the gym.
As I explained above, others (like me) find competition a demotivator. I'm far more interested in having a fitness partner who will share a personal anecdote or story as we exercise. With such an appealing motivator, I will have a greater chance of success.
I am also demotivated by a dictum to follow someone else's program. In fact, having someone hand me an eating plan is a challenge for me to find a way around "their rules."
When it comes to food and exercise, I have learned that I am motivated by making my own rules and by monitoring myself. Additionally, I love music and will exercise with more enthusiasm if I can move to a beat.
Another of my personal motivators is being outdoors. In fact, I find that by spending time each day enjoying music and walking in nature, that it is easier to follow what my New Year's resolution requires regarding food or exercise.
The key here is to take the first Stilletto step and become aware of your personal motivators and demotivators. As individuals, what gets us going or slows us down is different for each of us. Identify what will support you and your New Year's resolutions and put it into action. What would that be?
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December 21, 2010
Change your Actions by Changing your Subconscious
Have you ever resolved to do something and then watched powerlessly as you did the exact opposite, almost automatically? Your subconscious is directing your actions based on beliefs it has formed, even without your permission.
Those beliefs run your life. Somewhere along the way you heard someone talking or observed something and decided it was true. It became real for you. All actions that don't align with the belief cause stress so the subconscious directs action to reinforce the belief.
That's why people go to hypnotists to quit smoking or lose weight. They want to change the subconscious beliefs that propel them toward these unhealthy actions.
However, you can rid your subconscious of harmful beliefs and incorporate healthy ones all by yourself. A simple way to do that is by learning to meditate.
Each time you enter a state of total relaxation, your conscious and subconscious minds are in close alignment. It is easy to transfer a thought from one to the other, where it becomes a belief.
Start by visualizing something that you want and make it real. Whether it is refusing a cigarette or a chocolate dessert, see yourself doing it clearly and imbue it with feelings. Imagine how wonderful it is to walk away freely and lightly, living your new reality.
Remind yourself with words that affirm this is who you are and this is what you do. This will help you form a new belief - one that your subconscious will act on in the future.
I used this to program myself to lose weight. I wanted to do adventure travel so I visualized myself as an adventurer - climbing, hiking and ziplining. Everytime I considered skipping my exercise routine or taking a second helping, I reminded myself that I was an adventurer. I visualized my new mobility, felt good about it, and my subconscious complied.
Today, I do everything I believed an adventurer would do, thanks to my subconscious. It worked overtime to be sure that the changes I made to my beliefs became a reality. What will you visualize for yourself?
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April 22, 2010
Your Advice, Please…
I posted a
discussion on a LinkedIn group the other day, and one of the guys responded as
follows:
My Stilletto Chick name definitely evokes a strong response. The same day he posted this I had an email from a woman who loved it, finding it feminine and fun. She was as positive as he was negative. The name was chosen because Stillettos represents the perfect blend of energies – the feminine stilletto heel, the ultimate expression of feminine energy, evolved from the stilletto dagger, the ultimate expression of masculine energy. By identifying your energy sources and developing your opposite, you can find balance and connect with the Effortless Energy of the universe. Each step is a precarious balancing act between the two energies, but if you can find your balance, you will reap the benefits.
As a result, the Six Stilletto Steps are carefully balanced
between the outer, action-oriented masculine energy and the inner, reflective
feminine energy. It is all about taking action, but it requires that action
flow from the feminine preference for deliberation. In fact, even each
individual step has masculine and feminine aspects. Step 1, for instance,
requires awareness of both internal and external signals. Feminine energy stops
and measures what gives you energy, while masculine energy monitors what is
happening in the outside world. The awareness of both will help you on your
journey as you determine what feels right on the path you are being guided to
follow.
Step 2 asks you to internally accept your discoveries – the feminine act of compassion – but also recommends you stand up and dare to be different – the courage and independence of masculine energy. By Step 3 you know who you are inside (feminine energy) but masculine energy finds external validation for that internal compass. In Step 4 we find Self-Care tools to restore our energy. Just as each of us are individuals, so will our tools be different. The tools are things we do in the outside world (reflecting the masculine energy of action) but they are designed to re-connect us to our energy source (the feminine energy of the internal).
While Step 5 is focused on action, your successes in the outside world build your internal fortitude and self-esteem. And the celebration of Step 6 combines traditional celebrations and internal reflection. The masculine energy celebrates in the outside world, but it comes with the sense of purpose provided by the feminine.
My observations of the energy of the genders led me to realize that both energies have something positive to contribute, and we get our best results when we use both energies and allow them to balance and temper one another. I’d like to see all men develop their feminine energy, just as I’d like to see all women develop their masculine energy; that way all individuals can use each energy as the situation demands. So now for the big question: do you think the Stilletto Chick moniker gets that message across, or is it an impediment?
March 23, 2010
How Flexible Are You?
Research shows that the most successful women are proactive and make the most of change. They are adaptable, flexible, and adjust quickly to changing circumstances. But sometimes that feels foreign to our nature. We have to overcome our natural preference to keep things as they are if we want to survive and thrive.
Recently I sat with a young woman and listened as she described a disheartening situation at work. Her company was reorganizing and the new organizational chart placed a number of inexperienced managers in senior positions, despite the fact that many were more junior than her. And because she worked in a service support position, she would be judged on their success! Additionally, a number of projects that she believed to be important were being “swept under the carpet” or eliminated altogether.
You can imagine her frustration, and I listened patiently as
she vented. I don’t blame her for feeling disheartened, but in situations like
this, complaining isn’t productive; instead, one needs to adapt and make things
work. It’s important to remain positive – you either need to leave, or stay and
adjust your attitude.
Men tend to carry a lot of masculine energy, which is an active, “doing” approach to things. Change is a constant, and those with a lot of this energy are revitalized by the risk of things that are new or uncertain. Women by and large have more feminine energy, which is a slower “being” energy. It is more resistant to change, likes the status quo, and has a lower risk tolerance. In addition, feminine energy is more emotionally invested in its projects; that passion gets results, but it also means that it’s hard to let go of the work to which you have become attached. When change hits you in the face, it may help to turn to the Six Stilletto Steps.
First, practice awareness. By being vigilant you can pick up the signals that change is coming, and position yourself accordingly. It gets you out of denial and keeps you alert. Second, accept the change. Every day is different, so why fight change so much? Nothing stays the same. By simply saying, “It is what it is” you will start to look for solutions and be open to the lessons that you can learn from the situation.
Are you ready to improve your flexibility?
Also keep an eye out for my upcoming E-Book "Love the Woman in the Mirror"
January 18, 2010
Energy Imbalance Causes Contradictions
When he was indecisive and waffling, my boss exhibited too much feminine energy. He hated to make a decision and was overly concerned with what others might think of him. Then he went to the other end of the spectrum and exhibited too much masculine energy, rejecting the opinions and feelings of everyone else. This behavior demonstrates an imbalance of energy. He was conflicted, and his staff were confused and unsure what to expect on any given day.
Instead of swinging wildly from feminine to masculine energy, he would have been far better off to have added some independent masculine energy to his "wait and see" feminine energy. That would have given him some direction while preventing the pendulum from swinging so far in the opposite direction.
If you have a boss exhibiting an imbalance of energy, it means they can't access the opposite energy in themselves. In this case, it’s up to you to provide the counterbalance.
Try this:
1) When your boss is procrastinating, choose a small action step and encourage him/her to institute it. Your boss is feeling fear and needs to be reassured to take action.
2) When your boss is moving too hastily, slow things down by asking questions. Request a meeting to get others on board, which will give him/her time for the anger to subside.
While these are baby steps, even a pebble can be a good start to righting the energy scale of a conflicted boss. Can you recognize the energy needed in any given situation and provide it to balance others?
December 21, 2009
Using the Six Stilletto Steps to Reconnect with Spiritual Energy
2) Accept being in partnership with this superior being (however you conceive of him or her). Know that you don't have to go it alone, but also that you have a responsibility to do your part. It will make you feel more full and alive.
3) Be assured of the positive influence and support that your higher power provides. Find a cultural group that reinforces your beliefs. It may or not be a church – religion can be a vehicle for experiencing spirituality, but it can also be an impediment. Listen to the stories others share. This harmonizing will change you for the better.
4) Practice self-care by using prayer and meditation to stay connected to this powerful spiritual energy. I heard once that prayer is when we talk to God and meditation is when God talks to us, and I agree. Meditation removes our anxiety and diminishes our “fight or flight” response. It opens you to goodness.
5) Self-Reliance will aid you when you face the inevitable trials and tribulations and struggle with self-doubt. Know that every difficult situation is happening for a reason, and that there is an important lesson to be learned from it. You will emerge more calm and confident.
6) Celebrate your spiritual connection by showing gratitude and raising your vibration through laughter. You'll delight in your life and live with more joy.
May the spirit of the universal life force move through you, and may all of us who share this common energy be healed. Can you feel it?
November 27, 2009
An Elevator Speech Helps a Networker Stand Out From the Crowd
Unlike feminine energy, which helps us find relevance within the crowd by revealing a personal issue to form relationships, masculine energy individualizes us professionally. It makes our brand memorable by presenting our unique market position. Masculine energy exudes strength, as its competitive nature wants to be seen as special. This is good marketing, and it’s important when aspiring to turn networking into a transaction.
An elevator speech is a "quick and dirty" synopsis of who you are, what you do, what qualifies you, and how you can help. It is designed to be delivered to someone that you meet on an elevator during the time it takes to travel from one floor to another. That's 30 seconds, and approximately 120-140 words. It can come in handy when you attend an event, a conference or a convention.
The term was coined after the 1988 movie Working Girl, when Melanie Griffith’s character crashes her bosses' daughter's wedding and snags a dance with him. During a 29-second dance she delivers a concise and direct message. Then she closes for another meeting. She gives three versions of the elevator speech in the movie. Only one is actually in the elevator, but they help her accomplish what she wants: she gets the deal (and Harrison Ford!).
We all want to stand out from the crowd and be recognized, and we can do that by using our feminine energy to connect with others on a very genuine level. Then, by using our masculine energy, we have the drive to turn that into business with our elevator speech. Practice yours today; does it sound sincere? Are you engaging?
November 02, 2009
The Energy of Language Defines Us
The energy of language has been on my mind lately, so it was interesting to read the seven pages of matrimonial classified ads in the Sunday Hindustan Times. Many of the ads exhibited extreme feminine language, which is indirect to the point that it’s often difficult to interpret. Indeed, several ads specifically requested a “beautiful, homely girl” for a bride!
Other ads treated brides as a commodity, with no concern for compatibility. This lack of concern for the relationship reflects extreme masculine energy. Because "fair skin" is listed as a priority, many Hindu girls avoid the sun. When outdoors, they cover all but their eyes in an attempt maintain their value (as shown in the photo here).
However, the language used to describe the ideal bride is changing. The magazine India Today said in its October 12 edition that fewer men are requesting information on caste, horoscope, and virginity, instead expressing desire for an educated woman and a soul mate. It’s an encouraging development, and those words reflect more feminine energy! Meanwhile, educated women working in careers are developing more masculine energy as they become financially independent.
An op-ed piece by a woman in the same magazine questions the meaning behind the language of marriage, saying that mothers no longer talk to their daughters about “sacrifice,” instead simply suggesting compromise as the key to a healthy marriage. Young women are told to "adjust" if they want to live a whole and complete (read: married) life. She suggests that women have to get ahead of the language and quit defining themselves in the context of their relationship to a man.
As both women and men use more balanced language they are expressing more moderate views and balanced energy. It’s an evolution that can only lead to good things!
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