China's economy has surpassed Japan and many expect that the United States will be next. What does the future hold to have their growing economic influence on the world stage?
It sounds like an oxymoron to suggest that China could be a leader in developing feminine energy on the planet but that could be the case if the country's youth have their way.
China has long been a bastion of masculine energy. A nation where people "live to work." Their culture is predicated on individuals making as much money as they can, regardless of the sacrifice it takes to get ahead. It is a hub of external "doing" activity.
That's why I was intrigued by an article in the International Herald Tribune which suggests that the Chinese youth are shifting away from these traditions. They are interested in developing their "soft power" (which is synonymous with feminine energy).
The author of the article, Didi Kristen Tatlow, interviewed students from the post 80's generation in China to discuss their aspirations and what drives this new group of leaders.
She discovered the majority don't envy the wealth of individual American citizens. They say they can easily get "iPhones" and other gadgets, so accumulating material things is not a motivating factor.
What they are looking for is a better value system. They want a life with quality and meaning - a life which maintains the importance of home, family and cultural roots. They want something more than the single - focus on work that drove their parents.
This search for "moral meaning" is at the heart of feminine energy. It "works to live" and is all about being, rather than doing.
The Chinese youth are unexpected leaders in this quest. But when the offspring of those who lived through three decades of communism followed by three decades of an aggressive economic growth curve seek to balance their value-system, we should take inspiration from their leadership. Do you think that we will?
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Step 4: Self-Care
February 03, 2011
January 04, 2011
This Week's Diet
A number of years ago, I was in the audience for the Oprah show. During a commercial break she turned to us and said, "Are you hungry? I just ate two bites of chocolate back stage. That amount is supposed to be satisfying. I'm not sure if it will work but that's what I am trying this week."
I can relate entirely. This week I am trying the "Imagine Diet" after having read about it in the New York Times. They titled it, "Mind Over Platter: I Think, Therefore I Am Full."
Basically, it says that rather than denying thoughts of food, I should picture myself eating it. For example, if I imagine myself savoring chocolate gelato, letting it swirl in my mouth and sliding over my tongue and then down my throat, I'll get adjusted to it and desire less of it.
This is the same principle as adjusting to bright lights or bad smells - it's called habitation. It's what happens when you are finished eating a big meal and you are so full that you can't eat another bite. But then you are suddenly hungry again when it is time for dessert. Sound familiar? We habitate to certain foods but are still hungry for others.
The research, conducted by Carnegie Mellon, shows that if you are eating chocolate, you won't lose your desire for cheese - you'll just feel like having less chocolate. And, interestingly, it doesn't matter if you are eating chocolate or thinking about it. Either way, you reach a habitation limit.
Isn't that cool? So, starting today, I am imagining that I am eating chocolate gelato all day and maybe I'll want it less. Until now I've never grown tired of it in my entire life but it is worth a try. I can't imagine having more pleasant thoughts. What do you think?
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December 23, 2010
Celebrate with a Childlike Christmas
Do you have a favorite childhood memory of Christmas? Hang on to that story and the good feelings it generates for that in itself is a celebration, which can awaken the divine child inside of you.
In her book "The Four Fold Way," Angeles Arrien suggests that we ask ourselves, "How do I use the healing salves of singing, dancing and story telling?" She believes that, in modern society, we are estranged from our mythical roots. And, she says that one way to reconnect is to pay attention to what gives us heart and meaning.
I believe that there is no better time to do that than at Christmas. Remember your favorite stories, sing your most heart-warming Christmas carols, and dance around the room to "Jingle Bells." Each of these activities will re-acquaint you with the fun of living like children, when everyday was a celebration.
In our busy lives it is easy to forget what we once enjoyed. We routinely ignore good jokes, missing the opportunity to laugh. We have forgotten how to play. But remembering how to dance, sing and tell stories is healing.
My favorite Christmas memory took place at my Grandmother's house. All her children and their families had traveled a good distance to share the holidays with her. She met us with open arms, lots of good baking, and brightly colored, hand-crocheted afghans that she had made. This demonstration of love was a potent healing tonic.
Grandma wasn't a saint. She swore when she lost at cards and insisted that each of us agree with her politics. Nonetheless, we knew that she recognized her grandchildren as individuals and that was validating.
Arrien might call my Grandmother a modern day medicine woman because she guided each of us to experience the qualities of wonder, hope and awe.
The healing salves she extended allowed us to pay attention to our life story and I cling to that today, as I reminisce about my favorite Christmas memory. It awakens feelings of childlike joy and holiday anticipation from within me. Do you have a special Christmas memory to share?
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December 14, 2010
Making Friends with Your Subconscious
Can your subconscious transform your body and affect your health? If so, it's a relationship worth cultivating. I've been thinking about this as I recover from a detached retina.
Over the last few months, I have questioned the value of my identity ("eye"dentity?). My subconscious obviously heard and responded.
Me, who has a black belt in "doing," was prohibited from lifting a shopping bag or carrying out the garbage. To heal, I had to learn to be still. Talk about detaching from my identity!
As I mused about whether I created the problem with my eye, a friend recommended that I read "Your Body is Your Subconscious Mind" by neuroscientist, Dr. Candace Pert. The doctor has some challenging ideas on how our bodies think, feel and heal.
For example, she has researched people with multiple personalities and discovered that the physiology of each personality is different in spite of the fact that they share a body.
One personality might be farsighted and another nearsighted. One might have diabetes and be insulin dependent while the personality with whom it shares a body is disease free.
As the subconscious of each changed, so did the physical make-up of their body. Thus, I decided it was worth developing a relationship with my subconscious.
Like any friend, our subconscious needs positive reinforcement. Here are three things to do:
- Say kind things to yourself. For example, I am thanking my body everyday for healing.
- Repeat positive affirmations - They are like programming a computer. Each night I say, "I can see clearly now. There is no need for fear."
- Take time for self-care - If you treat yourself as a priority, your subconscious will get the message. Thus, I have practiced being still everyday while I meditate.
As with any friendship, we need to not only "talk the talk" but also "walk the walk." By making friends with our subconscious, we can transform our bodies and support our health. Does it seem worth it to you?
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December 07, 2010
Love is in the Present Moment
Losing weight isn't about repairing yourself because you aren't broken. You are lovable just as you are. And the best way to connect with love for yourself and your life is to stay in the present moment.
In the present moment there is only love - no worries about what happened in the past or what might happen in the future. The present moment is also where you can end addictions and for me that is food!
In the book "Women, Food and God" the author, Geneen Roth, quotes her spiritual teacher, Stephen Levine, who said, "Hell is wanting to be somewhere else than you are." In other words, if you are in one place and are agitated because you want to be somewhere else, you are creating your own hell.
It is the same with fixing yourself - if you are one way and want to be different, that creates stress. As Byron Katie says, "There is no peace when we argue with reality." It is better to end the hell of war and simply love the woman in the mirror, exactly as she is today.
I've been thinking about this because my relationship with food can be stressful. I mentally run through all that I have eaten and feel guilty. Then I start to feel anxious about what I might eat in the future. You see how I am either fretting about the past or worrying about the future? No present moment there!
But I have truly found that love is the antidote - if I quit worrying about what I've done and what might come, I can just love my life and myself as they are now. Then food doesn't seem so important - it loses its hold over me and I eat when I am hungry and stop when I am full.
As Geneen Roth writes, "When you love something, you wish it goodness; when you hate something, you wish to annihilate it." If you love yourself and your body everyday, you'll be able to make changes because you'll act in your own best interest in spite of yourself.
Please join me in this lovefest. Take time each day to stop and thank your body for all it has done for you. Admire its imperfections and appreciate its unique characteristics. Go inside and feel love and savor it on yourself. Bask in love and enjoy the present moment. Isn't it a great place to be?
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December 02, 2010
The Energy of Eating
The world is a magnet, pulling our energy in many directions. Yet, when eating, we need to clear our energy and focus only on our food. That allows it to bring forth its true value as an energy source.
Too often we are eating on the run, while thinking about problems at the office or mentally reorganizing the family schedule. We aren't eating mindfully as we fret about the past or worry about the future.
All these doubts and concerns travel to the organs in our bodies, along with the food that we are consuming. Our intestines, stomach, liver, and kidneys vibrate with the energy of the thoughts we have while we eat. Negative thoughts will negate much of the food's nutrient value.
We can help ourselves by keeping our thoughts clear when sitting down to a meal. This includes turning off violent TV shows, saving arguments or disagreements for later, and listening to pleasant, soothing music.
It is also important to be present with our food and eat mindfully. The more practice that we have living in the moment, the easier it will become to set aside our thoughts and go to that harmonious space when its time to eat. When doing that, we can truly nourish ourselves.
Stressful thoughts can make your body feel tight, tense, queasy, or achy. To relieve those feelings and relax before you eat, take a deep, calming breath. As you pull up to the table, consciously bring your thoughts to the chair where you sit. Think about how it supports you. Then, as you eat, focus on the texture of the food in your mouth, savoring every bite - really taste it!
It also helps to remember other times when you successfully created a similar space for yourself. For example, bring back the relaxed feeling of soaking in a bubble bath when you basked in the warmth of the water and admired the sparkle of the bubbles. The more of these moments you have the easier it is to re-create them.
To enjoy all the energy that food has to offer, we need to eat in the present moment. What do you do to place your energy there?
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November 30, 2010
Learning to Say "No"
Do you have a difficult time saying "no" to family and friends? If so, it could be that you are motivated by a genuine desire to help them but it could also be that you are acting out of fear.
Think of someone to whom you have trouble saying no. Then think of an instance where you said "yes" when you really meant "no." Of what were you afraid? Upon closer examination, you'll likely see that you were acting in response to more than one fear.
Let me share a personal example - I have trouble saying no to my husband. He recently went to Arizona and left me at home, recovering from a detached retina. When he asked if it was OK for him to go, I didn't say "no" and my "yes" wasn't authentic. What did I fear in responding that way?
The list is long (and irrational, but that is how fear works right?). I feared that if I said "no" to my husband: his feelings would be hurt, he would be disappointed, he would think I wasn't evolved, he wouldn't want to spend time with me, he would think I am a poor sport, he would withhold affection, and I would lose his love.
After feeling resentful for the entire time that he was gone, I now realize that if I had said "no" to him, I would have said "yes" to myself. He didn't abandon me - it was me who abandoned me! The irony is that, in trying to avoid negative feelings between us, I created them.
So how can I free myself from this "fear of the consequences" downward cycle? Here's two things I learned:
1) There is no difference between "yes" and "no." Everything that I fear happening if I say "no" could just as easily happen if I say "yes" (as I just proved).
2) Saying "yes" when I mean "no" robs me of my peace. And when I am not at peace, I can't help others - all I do is give them my stress and anxiety.
If I want to live authentically, it means saying "no" when I mean "no." It may disappoint others in the short-term but, over the long-term, I will build courage. That's the benefit of facing one's fears! I'm ready - are you?
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November 25, 2010
Making Peace with Your Body
In order to approach weight loss in a peaceful and healthy way, it's important to first make peace with yourself. It starts with accepting your body - even at your heaviest - so your efforts are grounded in love rather than hostility.
This can be difficult when facing a world obsessed with appearances. Portrayals of the ideal body size from the media or snide remarks from the opposite sex can lead to self-hatred for an overweight woman.
When the outside world tells us that our body is "wrong" and needs to be "fixed," it takes considerable effort to exercise the second Stilletto Step of Self-Acceptance, but it is the key to successful and sustained weight loss.
The best way to improve your relationship with your body is to treat it as someone who has toiled selflessly and unconditionally for you without recognition. Here are three techniques that work for me:
1) Kiss yourself - A friend recommended this, saying that it is a "really cool" experience and I agree. She says to separate yourself from your body and to ask it what it needs. Then send it love. Finally, kiss yourself on your hands and arms, telling your body how much you love it.
2) Write your body a letter - Start by standing in front of the mirror observing your body naked, until all feelings of discomfort are gone. Then get dressed and write it a letter. When I did this, I thanked my body for being there for me even though I neglected it, ignored its signals and pushed it too hard. By the time I had written the letter, my heart was filled with gratitude for my body, despite its many imperfections.
3) Recite positive affirmations to your body - Telling your body that you see it with joy and love it just as it is, sends a positive message to your sub-conscious to which your body will naturally respond. I even sing these affirmations aloud.
No matter what your size, if you want a happy partnership with your body you must treat it as any other important relationship in your life. Making peace with it starts with acceptance. How do these techniques work for you?
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November 23, 2010
What's Your Motivation for Eating?
Ever wonder why sometimes you see a bowl of cashews and you feel compelled to wolf down everyone as quickly as you can? And, other times you can take a few and savor them? The source of these opposing behaviors comes from different motivations.
When working in an office and faced with an act of perceived duplicity from a co-worker, one of my rules was always to consider the motivation behind the act. It helped me determine how to respond. Now I use the same analysis to decide if I should follow an impulse to eat.
Is my desire coming from a good place? If so, my rule of thumb is to follow the energy and enjoy the food. But, if it's coming from negative thoughts or from worry, it's time to put on the brakes. Chewing that food, just like a stressful thought, can be an excuse to take me out of the present moment. It is a way to avoid living.
Dr. Wayne Dyer says that worry is a technique we create to use up the "now" moments of our lives, rather than enjoying the present and living a happy, fully functioning life.
So how do we set aside this futile mental activity so we are not driven to eat by negative motivation?
1) Nip uncomfortable thoughts in the bud - don't let them "pile on." Once we start worrying it is easy to get carried away and magnify the problems. Visualizing a catastrophe, we quickly find ourselves in front of the fridge eating to relieve the stress.
2) Ask yourself how this worry is serving you. Discovering the source of the worry can be a real "AHA" moment. Too often we worry in an effort to protect ourselves or in an attempt to spur other behavior. The act of releasing control over what we are worrying about, as well as what we are avoiding, will promptly place us in the present moment. That is where we will eat from a positive motivation.
There is no place for worry or negative thoughts in the present. They live in the past and the future. When you get an impulse to eat, be sure that you are in the "now" and enjoy! Does this motivate you to examine your motivation?
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November 18, 2010
What To Do When Feeling Displaced
Sometimes we lose our sense of purpose and feel displaced. Over the last month, recovering from a detached retina, I have experienced this personally. My vision has been blurry, making me feel disoriented. I've been forced to cancel travel plans, haven't been able to read and have felt exhausted. For someone who values accomplishments, it’s been a tough go.
According to author Marcia Reynolds, you don't have to be sick for this feeling to surface. When she was researching her book, "Wander Woman: How High Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction," she found that this "identity disorder" can surface at anytime.
The question is what to do when it happens. Here are a couple of tips:
1) Marcia recommends that we remind ourselves there is a difference between having a "life's purpose" (tangible destination) and a "sense of purpose" (a feeling that provides direction). Spend time savoring life each day and it will help you remember what is important to you when you face difficulties, she says.
Similarly, I describe this in my first Stilletto Step of "Self-Awareness." By being aware of what gives you energy and what takes it away, you can do more of the things that make you feel like a bigger, fuller human being. By following your energy, you'll eventually find your purpose because, little by little, you'll be doing it!
2) It also helps to remind yourself that you are EXACTLY where you are meant to be right now. This reassuring thought helps you find contentment in the present, rather than fussing about "what-could-have-been" or "what-might-be." It only takes a moment to be in the present and it’s as easy as taking a deep breath. There is a reason for feeling displaced - remember that the greatest growth can come from the most painful experiences.
Just like the caterpillar struggling from the cocoon and emerging as a butterfly, this feeling of being displaced can be a transformation process. Can you feel that only this is real?
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