China's economy has surpassed Japan and many expect that the United States will be next. What does the future hold to have their growing economic influence on the world stage?
It sounds like an oxymoron to suggest that China could be a leader in developing feminine energy on the planet but that could be the case if the country's youth have their way.
China has long been a bastion of masculine energy. A nation where people "live to work." Their culture is predicated on individuals making as much money as they can, regardless of the sacrifice it takes to get ahead. It is a hub of external "doing" activity.
That's why I was intrigued by an article in the International Herald Tribune which suggests that the Chinese youth are shifting away from these traditions. They are interested in developing their "soft power" (which is synonymous with feminine energy).
The author of the article, Didi Kristen Tatlow, interviewed students from the post 80's generation in China to discuss their aspirations and what drives this new group of leaders.
She discovered the majority don't envy the wealth of individual American citizens. They say they can easily get "iPhones" and other gadgets, so accumulating material things is not a motivating factor.
What they are looking for is a better value system. They want a life with quality and meaning - a life which maintains the importance of home, family and cultural roots. They want something more than the single - focus on work that drove their parents.
This search for "moral meaning" is at the heart of feminine energy. It "works to live" and is all about being, rather than doing.
The Chinese youth are unexpected leaders in this quest. But when the offspring of those who lived through three decades of communism followed by three decades of an aggressive economic growth curve seek to balance their value-system, we should take inspiration from their leadership. Do you think that we will?
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Step 2: Self-Acceptance
February 03, 2011
January 13, 2011
Good and Bad All At Once?
Can things be both good and bad all at once? On a recent trip to Cambodia, I listened to descriptions of the darkest accounts imaginable, inflicted by the Khmer Rouge, and I struggled to process it.
Still reeling from the horror of those stories, I experienced the dramatic beauty of the Angkor Wat temples. Marveling at their architectural perfection, I wondered how these polar opposites can exist alongside one another, all within one country.
Cambodia's palm tree is a metaphor. Providing roofs for houses, fruit to eat and juice to drink, it was always considered a tree of life by the country's citizens. But at the "Killing Fields," they learned their revered foliage could also be the tree of death when the Khmer Rouge used the sharp edge of its branches to chop off the heads of their fellow countrymen.
Does that make the palm tree good OR bad? Consider that it could be both good AND bad all at once...just like all of us. We do good things and we do bad things. More importantly, maybe do we don't need to decide whether the palm is good or bad, but simply let it exist - just as it "is."
Maybe this same principle applies to everything else? William Shakespeare obviously believed that to be true as he said, "There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
That makes sense to me and here's my conclusion: When I over think things, I fall into judgment, which is when I label things as good or bad. Judgment takes me out of the present moment and away from feelings of peace.
So rather than labeling things as good or bad, I'm going to practice just "letting them be." It doesn't mean that I have to try to make sense out of the insanity of the Khmer Rouge but rather that I'll practice acceptance.
Like the Cambodian people, I hope that will allow me to move forward in a healthy way, regardless of the situation. Can you see that things can be good and bad all at once so there is no sense in labeling them?
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December 23, 2010
Celebrate with a Childlike Christmas
Do you have a favorite childhood memory of Christmas? Hang on to that story and the good feelings it generates for that in itself is a celebration, which can awaken the divine child inside of you.
In her book "The Four Fold Way," Angeles Arrien suggests that we ask ourselves, "How do I use the healing salves of singing, dancing and story telling?" She believes that, in modern society, we are estranged from our mythical roots. And, she says that one way to reconnect is to pay attention to what gives us heart and meaning.
I believe that there is no better time to do that than at Christmas. Remember your favorite stories, sing your most heart-warming Christmas carols, and dance around the room to "Jingle Bells." Each of these activities will re-acquaint you with the fun of living like children, when everyday was a celebration.
In our busy lives it is easy to forget what we once enjoyed. We routinely ignore good jokes, missing the opportunity to laugh. We have forgotten how to play. But remembering how to dance, sing and tell stories is healing.
My favorite Christmas memory took place at my Grandmother's house. All her children and their families had traveled a good distance to share the holidays with her. She met us with open arms, lots of good baking, and brightly colored, hand-crocheted afghans that she had made. This demonstration of love was a potent healing tonic.
Grandma wasn't a saint. She swore when she lost at cards and insisted that each of us agree with her politics. Nonetheless, we knew that she recognized her grandchildren as individuals and that was validating.
Arrien might call my Grandmother a modern day medicine woman because she guided each of us to experience the qualities of wonder, hope and awe.
The healing salves she extended allowed us to pay attention to our life story and I cling to that today, as I reminisce about my favorite Christmas memory. It awakens feelings of childlike joy and holiday anticipation from within me. Do you have a special Christmas memory to share?
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December 21, 2010
Change your Actions by Changing your Subconscious
Have you ever resolved to do something and then watched powerlessly as you did the exact opposite, almost automatically? Your subconscious is directing your actions based on beliefs it has formed, even without your permission.
Those beliefs run your life. Somewhere along the way you heard someone talking or observed something and decided it was true. It became real for you. All actions that don't align with the belief cause stress so the subconscious directs action to reinforce the belief.
That's why people go to hypnotists to quit smoking or lose weight. They want to change the subconscious beliefs that propel them toward these unhealthy actions.
However, you can rid your subconscious of harmful beliefs and incorporate healthy ones all by yourself. A simple way to do that is by learning to meditate.
Each time you enter a state of total relaxation, your conscious and subconscious minds are in close alignment. It is easy to transfer a thought from one to the other, where it becomes a belief.
Start by visualizing something that you want and make it real. Whether it is refusing a cigarette or a chocolate dessert, see yourself doing it clearly and imbue it with feelings. Imagine how wonderful it is to walk away freely and lightly, living your new reality.
Remind yourself with words that affirm this is who you are and this is what you do. This will help you form a new belief - one that your subconscious will act on in the future.
I used this to program myself to lose weight. I wanted to do adventure travel so I visualized myself as an adventurer - climbing, hiking and ziplining. Everytime I considered skipping my exercise routine or taking a second helping, I reminded myself that I was an adventurer. I visualized my new mobility, felt good about it, and my subconscious complied.
Today, I do everything I believed an adventurer would do, thanks to my subconscious. It worked overtime to be sure that the changes I made to my beliefs became a reality. What will you visualize for yourself?
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December 16, 2010
Using Your Subconscious to Move Forward
We all need help from time to time and assistance is as close as your subconscious. Being open to accepting its aid can move you forward when you are stuck.
There are a couple of easy ways to access the wisdom of your subconscious and they are as follows:
1) Relax into any routine job - I often used this technique when acting as a corporate executive managing a department. If we had a sticky problem with no easy answer and were stuck in our analysis, I would ask everyone to let it be. Then I'd suggest they see what came to them later in the day when they were doing some routine activity such as brushing their teeth, taking a shower, or driving to work.
More than once, when we reconvened our meeting the next day, the feedback and ideas generated supplied exactly the answer we needed. It was amazing what it brought forth!
2) Acknowledge your dreams. It is probably the reason that Thomas Edison said, "Never go to bed without a request to your subconscious."
It was from a dream that Edison got the idea to invent the light bulb. And it's the reason people are often heard to say "let's sleep on it." Good answers come from our subconscious in our dreams.
Knowing this to be true also gives us the freedom and confidence to go to sleep rather than continuing to sit at our desks, working long hours after bedtime. We can be more productive turning it over to our subconscious mind than trying to figure it out ourselves!
Additionally, the more you acknowledge your dreams, the more answers they will provide for you. Like a child, it will enthusiastically share many ideas if you pay attention. But if ignored, your subconscious will again be like a child and go off to play by itself in a corner.
Every thought and idea starts in your subconscious. Its wisdom is there to help move you forward, if you are open to it. Will you accept help?
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December 14, 2010
Making Friends with Your Subconscious
Can your subconscious transform your body and affect your health? If so, it's a relationship worth cultivating. I've been thinking about this as I recover from a detached retina.
Over the last few months, I have questioned the value of my identity ("eye"dentity?). My subconscious obviously heard and responded.
Me, who has a black belt in "doing," was prohibited from lifting a shopping bag or carrying out the garbage. To heal, I had to learn to be still. Talk about detaching from my identity!
As I mused about whether I created the problem with my eye, a friend recommended that I read "Your Body is Your Subconscious Mind" by neuroscientist, Dr. Candace Pert. The doctor has some challenging ideas on how our bodies think, feel and heal.
For example, she has researched people with multiple personalities and discovered that the physiology of each personality is different in spite of the fact that they share a body.
One personality might be farsighted and another nearsighted. One might have diabetes and be insulin dependent while the personality with whom it shares a body is disease free.
As the subconscious of each changed, so did the physical make-up of their body. Thus, I decided it was worth developing a relationship with my subconscious.
Like any friend, our subconscious needs positive reinforcement. Here are three things to do:
- Say kind things to yourself. For example, I am thanking my body everyday for healing.
- Repeat positive affirmations - They are like programming a computer. Each night I say, "I can see clearly now. There is no need for fear."
- Take time for self-care - If you treat yourself as a priority, your subconscious will get the message. Thus, I have practiced being still everyday while I meditate.
As with any friendship, we need to not only "talk the talk" but also "walk the walk." By making friends with our subconscious, we can transform our bodies and support our health. Does it seem worth it to you?
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December 09, 2010
Getting Unstuck
Being stuck is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Breaking free from this vicious cycle comes from the first two Stilletto Steps of awareness and acceptance.
If we have unrealistic expectations and can't accept our personal circumstances, we're sure to wind-up stuck. From this, resistance takes hold, poor habits are formed, and unskilled behaviors keep cycling through. It's like the hamster on the wheel - he keeps on running but doesn't get anywhere!
Freedom from being stuck comes from being aware. It allows us to take responsibility for the situation by accepting reality. It also provides the opportunity to institute skillful behavior and successfully make changes.
Many times in my life I've been angry because I expected things to be different than they were and that caused suffering.
What I learned is that acceptance allows me to see things accurately, without judgment. In doing so, I immediately release the pain associated with my resistance, opening me to alternatives.
Here's how it works: my stress is reduced when I accept that I have no control over what others say, think or feel. It doesn't mean that I agree, approve or believe it's OK - it just means that it "is what it is." I am aware and accept it.
As M. Kathleen Casey said, "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." When we recognize that pain comes from inside, not from outside, we can work with our mind to reduce it.
Each of us can get unstuck by living in the present moment. Becoming aware of our breath will help us do that, as will focusing on any routine activity (such as doing dishes).
When we bring our full attention to what we are doing, our minds don't wander and we create peace in our lives everyday. Where you are stuck?
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December 07, 2010
Love is in the Present Moment
Losing weight isn't about repairing yourself because you aren't broken. You are lovable just as you are. And the best way to connect with love for yourself and your life is to stay in the present moment.
In the present moment there is only love - no worries about what happened in the past or what might happen in the future. The present moment is also where you can end addictions and for me that is food!
In the book "Women, Food and God" the author, Geneen Roth, quotes her spiritual teacher, Stephen Levine, who said, "Hell is wanting to be somewhere else than you are." In other words, if you are in one place and are agitated because you want to be somewhere else, you are creating your own hell.
It is the same with fixing yourself - if you are one way and want to be different, that creates stress. As Byron Katie says, "There is no peace when we argue with reality." It is better to end the hell of war and simply love the woman in the mirror, exactly as she is today.
I've been thinking about this because my relationship with food can be stressful. I mentally run through all that I have eaten and feel guilty. Then I start to feel anxious about what I might eat in the future. You see how I am either fretting about the past or worrying about the future? No present moment there!
But I have truly found that love is the antidote - if I quit worrying about what I've done and what might come, I can just love my life and myself as they are now. Then food doesn't seem so important - it loses its hold over me and I eat when I am hungry and stop when I am full.
As Geneen Roth writes, "When you love something, you wish it goodness; when you hate something, you wish to annihilate it." If you love yourself and your body everyday, you'll be able to make changes because you'll act in your own best interest in spite of yourself.
Please join me in this lovefest. Take time each day to stop and thank your body for all it has done for you. Admire its imperfections and appreciate its unique characteristics. Go inside and feel love and savor it on yourself. Bask in love and enjoy the present moment. Isn't it a great place to be?
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November 25, 2010
Making Peace with Your Body
In order to approach weight loss in a peaceful and healthy way, it's important to first make peace with yourself. It starts with accepting your body - even at your heaviest - so your efforts are grounded in love rather than hostility.
This can be difficult when facing a world obsessed with appearances. Portrayals of the ideal body size from the media or snide remarks from the opposite sex can lead to self-hatred for an overweight woman.
When the outside world tells us that our body is "wrong" and needs to be "fixed," it takes considerable effort to exercise the second Stilletto Step of Self-Acceptance, but it is the key to successful and sustained weight loss.
The best way to improve your relationship with your body is to treat it as someone who has toiled selflessly and unconditionally for you without recognition. Here are three techniques that work for me:
1) Kiss yourself - A friend recommended this, saying that it is a "really cool" experience and I agree. She says to separate yourself from your body and to ask it what it needs. Then send it love. Finally, kiss yourself on your hands and arms, telling your body how much you love it.
2) Write your body a letter - Start by standing in front of the mirror observing your body naked, until all feelings of discomfort are gone. Then get dressed and write it a letter. When I did this, I thanked my body for being there for me even though I neglected it, ignored its signals and pushed it too hard. By the time I had written the letter, my heart was filled with gratitude for my body, despite its many imperfections.
3) Recite positive affirmations to your body - Telling your body that you see it with joy and love it just as it is, sends a positive message to your sub-conscious to which your body will naturally respond. I even sing these affirmations aloud.
No matter what your size, if you want a happy partnership with your body you must treat it as any other important relationship in your life. Making peace with it starts with acceptance. How do these techniques work for you?
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October 28, 2010
Want Respect? Prepared to Fight for It?
My last blog about the difficulties facing women politicians has me thinking about this. Research shows that they lose credibility when attacked. However, they can regain it by standing up for themselves.
In her book, "Talking 9 to 5," Deborah Tannen calls this practice "ritual fighting." Our legal system is based on such public debate, creating winners and losers. In court, the winner makes the best case for his/her client, while under-cutting the opponent's argument.
Masculine energy wants to win and it rises to the challenge of opposition. One person attacks, looking for holes and weakness in the proposal. Meanwhile, the other is spurred on by the adrenaline of the verbal battle, coming up with new angles. They work better under the pressure of the fight.
However, feminine energy has a very different reaction to ritual fighting. When attacked, it backs off and hedges its arguments as a form of protection, which can make the individual appear weak. Rather than helping sharpen the arguments, self-doubt and questions set in, which usually invites more attacks.
Unfortunately, for women who tend to carry more feminine energy, they have trouble presenting their ideas in an environment of open opposition. Organizations are often based on this model as the system was designed by men for men, and masculine energy thrives on a combative communication style.
When our company lawyer retired from PotashCorp, he gave a few closing remarks at the going away dinner, "roasting" his fellow executives. When he came to me he said, "Look out if you disagree with her. It's like running into a buzz saw." What caught me off guard was the admiration with which he said it - he believed that he was giving me the highest praise possible.
If you recognize yourself as someone who avoids ritual fighting, and if your workplace rewards it, be prepared to enter into an animated argument. It will be easier if you choose a topic about which you feel passionate. Once you've fought back, you'll gain respect. Are you up for the challenge?
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