Walk Like A (WO)MAN!

There is a way that men walk through life and it’s different than the way it is for females. Maybe it’s because the genders are different physiologically but maybe it’s also because they are also socialized to be different. Consider the way we communicate - men avoid apologies but they banter incessantly to show acceptance of one another. Meanwhile, women make a ritual of both apologies and compliments.

Women use conversation to establish closeness, which is emotional. On the other hand, men use conversation to gather information, which will help them reach their goals. The masculine energy “way of being” is to climb the hierarchy. Their walk is independent - all on their own, they must be fearless. The walk of feminine energy is to link arms and travel all together. Everyone wants to be accepted so for both sexes that means conforming to the implicit rules of the system.

Socialization is a way of passing on values. And having women strive for success in the external world can be in direct conflict with society’s view that they should take care of others, rather than themselves. When I enrolled in high school one of our elective classes was typing. I chose not to take it as I wanted to be the ‘boss’ when I grew up, rather than the secretary. At the end of my first year of university, I was thrilled to be the only female hired as a summer employment counselor with the federal government. At first, the guys who were my peers handed along their typing to me. But after we established that I couldn’t type and they could, I’d take my typing to them! (This served me well until the advent of email).

There are many studies that demonstrate the way that our socialization limits the progress of women. For example, when male and female students are asked to predict their marks before midterms, the boys always have higher expectations for their performance than the girls have for themselves. Boys are socialized to be confident and girls to please others, so they are more uncertain. Not only are men and women socialized to have different expectations but they are socialized to have different standards as well. (We’re all familiar with “he’s assertive” while she is a “bitch.”) Socialization is a reality- it can help us ‘learn the ropes’ as long as we don’t get mired in muck and allow it to impede our walk! Tell me a way that socialization has helped or hurt your walk through life…

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Comments

[Marcia Reynolds]

I was socialized to succeed. However, as a high-achieving female, the expectations were that I would be number one at everything I did. I was taught that I was special. Now I have to be special, continually. Somehow I feel that my freedom has been limited by this extreme as well. As you know, I address this in Wander Woman, which releases June 15th!

[Betty-Ann Heggie]

What a geat example of socialization Marcia- but I must admit I think you are pretty special and I suspect that most who know you would agree with me. I am really looking forward to your next book- I loved the one you wrote on the brain so much... My next newsletter is on macsuline and feminine energy and the brain- I'd love your opinion on that as well.... There is so much controversy around the brain I thought I'd add a little more....Thanks for the comment! BA