Are You Bumping into Things?

Twenty years ago I started a new job that was way over my head, and I was scrambling to get through my learning curve. It took all my time, attention, and energy. About a year into this job I somehow found time to visit my doctor for a routine physical. I never looked forward to these checkups – no one really does, I suppose – but I was particularly dreading this one. As I sat waiting in her office, freezing in that little paper robe they make you wear, I thought about all the weight I’d put on in recent years. The nurse had given me the bad news a few minutes earlier when I stepped on the scale, and now I was waiting for the doctor to come in and give me the inevitable lecture about my weight.

Sure enough, she came in a moment later, and immediately her eyes went wide. “Oh my gosh, Betty-Ann,” she said. “What did you do to yourself?” I blushed deeply. I’d hoped for a little more sensitivity than this. “I know, I know. Things have just been so crazy at work, I’ve completely fallen off the wagon on my diet…”

She cut me off. “No, not your weight, your hip.” She used a pen to push aside the edge of the paper robe, and I followed her gaze to a massive, ugly bruise on my left hip. It was a deep purplish blue, and covered an area the size of a tea saucer. It was the first time I’d seen it. “How did this happen?” she asked.

“I’m not… I don’t know,” I stammered. I tried to think back to the last week of work. I was always in my head and not my body, so walking into desks and hitting my elbow on doorframes was an everyday occurrence. Bruises were nothing new to me, but this one was huge. Whatever I’d done, it must have hurt like hell. How had I not noticed?

In that job I was so wrapped up in the external world that I completely lost touch with my internal self (including the pain of apparently walking into a table at work). My lack of Self-Awareness meant that I was out of touch with the signals that told me I was full or hungry, so my eating habits had little to do with my actual hunger. I wasn’t taking time to savor my food or feel its texture on my tongue. I wasn’t keeping a food log or journal. I wasn’t asking questions about what foods were good for me or weren’t. And I certainly wasn’t reading any labels. Realizing how reckless I’d been with respect to food was an eye-opening experience, and awareness became the basis of many of my food and exercise plans going forward.

The first Stilletto Step is Self-Awareness, and once I took that vital step I began to view food as a source of energy, rather than something to satiate me when I was lonely, bored, or tired. But the most important product of my new Self-Awareness was the realization that my weight was preventing me from enjoying the adventure travel my husband and I had always planned to enjoy in our retirement. Self-Awareness provided me with a real purpose for losing weight and that belief system underpins all thoughts, emotions, and actions. I learned that whatever your reason for losing weight, the important thing is that you’re doing it for yourself.

I explore all these subjects and more in my new e-book. It’s coming April 28, and I hope you’ll join me there!

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Comments

[Kipley Bruketa]

Wow, really interesting. I have a few bruises right now that I can not explain where they came from. This was a powerful post for me because it's probably true I'm not really self-aware right now and not taking good self-care. I hope this blog will remind me to refocus.

Thanks,
Kipley

[Betty-Ann Heggie]

The pull of the external world is powerful. If you have just come off of a big work project you have likely spent too much time in the outside world which will have left your internal wanting. Its not a surprise that your awareness is down. I have to constantly work at this. I had a big lesson last week-end when I considered driving through bad weather to give a speech on this stuff- I wasn't listening to my own material!! Always lots to learn. Your partner in growth, BA