Let me introduce you to one of my favorite people, Delee Fromm. We have been friends since we were children in the small town of Strasbourg, Saskatchewan. She now lives in Toronto, has practiced as a psychologist and a lawyer and now trains women in negotiation. She is someone I often turn to, and I wanted to share her wisdom with you...
June 8, 2009 Toronto, Ontario: Betty-Ann and I have been talking about masculine and feminine energy over the past few weeks, and she has asked me to share some of my observations both from my extensive coaching and training experience with women and having practiced law at a large law firm for 17 years.
First, let’s be clear on what is meant by feminine and masculine energy. Masculine energy has been described as striving, assertive, logical, hard, and controlling – all attitudes that are highly valued in business. Feminine energy has been described as receptive, calm, soft, surrendering, and allowing. Based on negotiation and communication styles, there generally is an overabundance of feminine energy displayed by women at the more junior levels of business and an overabundance of masculine energy displayed by women at the more senior levels.
What does this look like in terms of behavior? Women who are junior tend to take what is offered and not ask for what they need. The majority of men negotiate their first salary – very few women do. One client of mine found herself working with a young male right out of university who demanded the title of director of leasing and marketing, and got it. My client’s title remained the same although she was the one training him. He reported to her, but his title suggested he was her supervisor! When he left, she wanted his title but it was never offered to her. At her annual review, she was told she lacked initiative and she needed to take on more of a leadership role. That’s when she called me. Through coaching, she came to realize that it was OK to ask for what you want and not to wait for it to be given to you: To balance the feminine energy of accommodation with the more masculine energy of being direct and asking.
In contrast, many women who make it to the top of the hierarchy in business have been promoted because of their masculine energy – their ability to direct and to drive things forward. However, once they arrive at those senior levels of leadership, their colleagues find them too direct and too pushy. They are told they need to soften up. In short, they are being told to show more feminine energy. And for such women, who have relied upon and been promoted because of their predominantly masculine energy, this directive can be very confusing. And that is when they seek coaching. The important lesson from this is that all of us, at whatever level of business, need to be balanced in our energies–to be aware of, develop, and use both our masculine and feminine energy. That will allow us to be flexible, appropriate, resilient, and very successful.
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